Posted 6 years 98 days ago ago by Danielle Streed
When it comes to elder abuse it can appear in a variety of different ways. It can involve financial abuse, emotional abuse and even physical abuse. As more and more older children are facing financial despair, divorce and even loss of a job, we are finding that many children are having to move back home. Many times these are children in their 40s, 50s and 60s. The problem is that they are bringing their emotions, anger and financial issues with them. In many cases those issues are playing out in a negative way against their aging parent(s) who are not strong enough to deal with this behavior.
In many cases, the child begins taking advantage of the parents’ bank account (as a result of being made a joint owner years ago for convenience); they take advantage of their living arrangements by living in the house for free and not contributing to the monthly expenses. In many cases, because of the anger they display towards a parent, the parent is forced to leave their own home out of fear. In many cases, it is months before they are able to return. During that time the parent has no idea of what the child is doing to the house or not doing (not taking care of pets, maintenance or cleanliness of the home).
There are a few options the parent has when dealing with a child that has put you in this position. Unfortunately, they are not pleasant options. In some cases, a personal protection order must be filed and a hearing must be held to prove that the child is a risk to the parent and must be removed from the home. If the personal protection order is not granted, the parent must begin eviction proceedings because the child has become a month-to-month tenant.
Before letting an adult child move back into the home, there are many things that need to be evaluated by the entire family to ensure that the parent is protected, safe, and is not putting themselves at physical or financial risk.
Here are some common behavioral signs that are all considered errors in critical thinking or even unethical behavior:
The entitlement behavior: “The world owes me something” or “I deserve it”.
The rationalization behavior: Justifying an ethical behavior by saying “I am an ethical person, therefore if I choose to do it, it must be fine”.
The urgent decisionmaker: Seemingly unimportant, yet snap decisions are made with regard to career, family and personal matters. The person perceives things to be urgent without regard to the consequences.
The victim behavior: Playing the blame game where they are always the victim and always able to find fault and place blame on others in spite of their own personal problems.
The laziness behavior: The lack of accountability for their own actions. Unwilling to do anything they consider boring or beneath them.
The affection-disconnection behavior: They no longer listen to other family members or friends and they begin to sever ties with confidants and mentors. They are quick to criticize others, but they are not interested in criticizing their own actions or behavior.
The situational ethics behavior: They possess a different set of ethics for different situations. In other words, they compartmentalize each situation to confirm with themselves that they are doing the right thing at that moment.
All of these behaviors are red flags and they need to each be considered and evaluated HONESTLY before an adult child is allowed to “room” with mom and dad.